Finally: THE CYCLE TOUR IS BACK!

So let me start at the beginning.


I meat Leon in 2000. He was big on cycling. loved being on his bike and in some ways it was the other woman. Which, lets be honest, I can compete with :)


Cycling was a big part of his life, I did try to get on the bike with him. but its just not my vibe.
he cycled different events but the Argus cycle tour was the main focus for the year.


When I was pregnant with Gemma in 2006 and her due date came closer, I thought, just not on Argus. So when he got up that Sunday morning on the 12th of march 2006, and I felt a few little tingles I didn't say anything. even when he called to ask me to bring his arm warmers, I got in the car and dropped them off... by 8am I felt that maybe, just maybe I'm in labour. I called my cousin, Andrea, who is a midwife, and told her how I was feeling, she confirmed that it was very possible. So I called my folks to come from Pringlebay to be with me just in case. I still hand told Leon!


At 950am during the Lords prayer, I had to run to the loo. YIP that was the water breaking. fun. now what? don't panic. just walk calmly to your mom and whisper. Well my dad wasn't calm hahaha we left to go to the hospital. To add to it, We stayed in Woodstock and the hospital was in Constantia, cycle tour traffic meant we had to go via the main road. AND Leon wasn't answering his phone.
because why? it was on SILENT!


By the time the nurses had check me, Leon had stopped at Cape point and checked his cell. (lots of msgs and missed calls) He called and I advised him to finish the race, he had time.


I went home and waited it out. We went back later that afternoon and Gemma was born that evening.


Our cycle tour adventure continued. Every year we went to watch Dad do the tour. he was very proud the first year Gemma got to watch. and the year after our son was born, when he did his 21st (2011) and we surprised him at the end.


At the start of 2013 when he started training, he had some discomfort in his right leg. I convinced him to go to the doctor instead of the physio. He come home stressed as there was no pulse in the foot. going directly to the hospital for tests showed that there was clot below the knee.
They went in the next day, removed some of the clot. but sadly the artery had collapsed. after a few weeks and back and forth to different doctors, the leg was no better. walking short distances were painful, let alone trying to get on the bike.


So no TOUR that year.


Or 2014


Or 2015


In the middle of 2015, the situation was getting worse. and finally we find the right doctor to help, the bypass was done in mid November and an 80% recovery was expected.


2016 was all about improvements, we started walking together, he started cycling with Gemma, running with me, cycling with Jared. and life was nearly normal. In September he entered the 2017 Cycle Tour.




As we get closer to the 12th of March, the Tour date and our Gemma's 11th birthday, I cant but be thankful for where I find our family. How much we have been blessed and how much one event, means to us.


This year is Tour number 23 for Leon. And we will be there, on the side of the road. Proud. Happy. Blessed.


You can got this babe.


x

learning to love yourself

For the last year my close friends know what has been happening in my heart.

How one person’s actions broke my heart and has been a long hard emotional time.

Yes I had a part to play and I’ll take responsibility for a great deal of it.

On Thursday while talking to Cindy it dawned on me why it had upset me so.

It wasn’t the first time I had to deal with this type of thing. but I’ll share the reason why with you.

When I was growing up I didn’t have a best friend. I think I was envious that others had that one person they could turn to. but for some reason i didn’t find just one friend to be my rock.

I always had many friends. Each had their strengths and could be there for me in their own way. it
always worked for me.

But for some reason I changed. and allowed one person to be my closes, tell all friend.

It was fine for a while. Until it wasn’t.

As you've already read, Leon and I had to rediscover ourselves with in our marriage. and that meant focusing more on our family and pulling away from other relationships that were harming our closeness. It didn’t mean we loved our friends less, but it did mean we had less time for them, I also started working more weekends and when I was off, I would spread my free time with a lot of my friends and not just one unit. This didn’t happen overnight. These changes took ages
I could honestly say more than 3years! But my hearts attitude towards having one best friend changed. Sure I could list things that she did to make it like that. but that isn’t the point.

It was me. just me. that didn’t want to fight for a relationship that wasn’t beneficial for me, my marriage and my family. Selfish? Sure. At some stage we do need to be that way.

My other relationships haven’t suffered. Actually I think we have made a load more friends!

I don’t rely on any of them to bring me internal happiness or strength, I know they are there for me anytime I need them. And none are jealous of the other as they love me therefor they understand.

So since Thursday I don’t have those pangs of 'what the hell was she thinking!" or "why didn’t she listen to me when I told her" or "I’m so mad she didn’t realise sooner things had changed' moments.

I feel free! Because I understand that this was my fault. that I should never have trusted one person outside my marriage to be my rock. I have my husband. more importantly I have God to be there for me. To guide me on the right path.

I love my friends, they are all the best they can be and close to parts of me.

Thank you for knowing when I need a shoulder or when I don’t want to be hugged.

Thank you for helping when I’m about to fall apart. Thank you for praising and rejoicing with me for my achievements.

Just thank you for being in my life.

Happy 40th to my handsome husband! had such a special time with our family and friends this passed weekend!

"Don't judge me because I sin differently to you"

I saw this statement on a friends fb status and it struck home. I have tried hard in my life to not judge people on their 'sins'. Its not for me to be their judge and jury. I don't hold on to small things that people do to me, i try to think about them as a whole. Not just the one action. And when you do that it becomes easy to love people.
It does take me some time to work through the hurt feelings after a bigger disappointment and I often vent to a close friends group about the so call 'wrong' against me. I'm human after all.

The point is, over the last 5years I have had people judge me on the little things. The mistakes I have made. I didn't get the memo that i was perfect... I know I'm not. I know that I am maybe to straight forward, those that know me will know that I don't like to lie. So rather not ask me if you want me to give you the bullshit version of the facts. (unless your asking me if you look FAT in an outfit, because I'll plead the 5th)

I don't think that anyone should keep score. Why would you want to? why would you want to list someones faults? Is it to better them? Is it to make you feel better? is it to better the relationship?
Or just because your hurt and want to kick someone in the teeth.
How would you like to have your sins listed? Do you know you have faults? I know mine. I work every single day at them.

Most of the people in my life will know that I will go out of my way to help someone I love.
That sometimes you need to hear things that aren't pretty but are truthful. That love has different forms.
The way people show love are different. I'm not a huggy touchy person. Does that make it harder to love me?
I don't shower people with fake complements. If i feel the need to complement someone i will. Does that make me harder to love?

A friend told me to love unconditionally, and as a Christian you want that love from God. So its right to be able to offer that love. And i try.
But it doesn't mean that I have to be a victim.That i have to put my heart in the firing line of people that don't understand me.

I am stronger and happier than most people know. I have things that are hard in my life. Doesn't everyone? but it doesn't define me.

This isn't a rant about anyone. This isn't a pointing fingers at post. The reason I'm putting it out there is firstly for myself and secondly for other people finding themselves in the situation, be it on the making up or receiving of your list of sins. Think hard before doing it. Think about your motives. If its not to be positive then don't do it. This world is full of negative people/actions as it is. Don't add to them. Just remove yourself from the situation. If you are on the receiving side of it, read it, see if you are at fault. You don't need to let it be a walk over and you certainly do not need to remain friends with someone that thinks its OK to be your Judge. But learn from it. See how people see you. I have.

So i say again "Don't judge me because I sin differently to you"

Love is...

Do you remember the 'love is...' phase?

Well love is different for all of us.

When we are children its about the first look, or the first touch.
When we are teenagers its about the first kiss. But these relationship base on only attraction do not last.

We grow up, and realise love is more than that.

For me love is..

The way my husband shows me every day he loves me.
From the sweets under my steering wheel to the text to say 'have fun'
The way he supports me and allows me to follow my dreams. The love he shows me while looking after our children. For helping me create this beautiful family. For being next to me in church. For the massage after a shit day. For the takeaways instead of me cooking. For the fights as passionate as our love. For forgiving me when i have made mistakes, for not reminding me about them. For understanding how small my heart is. For buying me rechargeable batteries for my birthday. (don't be gross, its for my cameras flash)
For taking the kids to school, because I'm not a morning person. For knowing my limits. For coming home for lunch. and for alot more...which would make Mr Grey blush.

Babes, neither of us are perfect. And every day i am thankful that we have made mistakes, as they have made us stronger.
The fact we are together after 8yrs of marriage, that we can still kiss that i cant feel my legs, is what i want for the rest of my life. I love you x12430874397 plus infinity.

Time waits for no man (or woman)

Well its been my birthday...AGAIN :P
I had a lovely day with some of my closer family and friends. I thought it would be great to cook for them, and it was!
I hired a jumping castle to entertain the kids and the adults could chill.

Life as a foursome has gotten easier in lost of ways. Gemma is still a helpful and awesome big sister and Jared, he is even more so a active little man! Drives us all a little batty as he is so much busier than what Gemma was. But he is a lovely child.

I have been so blessed for my studio to finally happen. Leon has worked hard in the space and its great. i'm loving it.
I've gotten a few weddings and a good for little shoots I'm happy to do. Think i should market myself a little more soon.


There are some relationships that just haven't improved in the last few months and sadly its nothing i can directly talk to the person about. To defensive. So will just have to carry on i guess.

Gemma's first concert with her new school is in a few weeks. I wonder what she will be like!

BLAH BLAH

So our daughter, Gemma, who isn't perfect like your daughter, who isn't going to be the next any one, expect herself, turned 5. She is such a lovely little person. She shows a great amount of love towards her friends and family, is an example as a big sister in the way she treats her little brother. She never forgets to pray for her meals and her nightly prayers, if she falls asleep before she says it she does them in the morning. Now to me, those are gifts of perfection. Not bad manners that is ignored. Or talents that are worldly. If the Lord is happy with her, her life will be blessed.

Jared, shew this little guy is something else! His so interactive and wants to be around Gemma all the time. He forgets his a baby and gets depressed when he cant do something. Sweet little man! He makes us smile by just smiling. 4months into his life and we are less sleep deprived and starting to enjoy him.

Leon and I, well we are NEVER going to be the model text book couple. We do things differently. We don't care about lavish outward overly showy things to show we love each other. Our love is different and stronger the last few years. And i am grateful for the fact we had issues all those years ago. I am grateful for the work we both put into our marriage. and i am LOVING our space we are in! life rocks at the moment with you my babes. Even if you cant leave your fart in the passage or you drive like a loon. Its not like I'm perfect either :) But i am thankful that you set an example with our kids, not the tantrum part, but the way you allow us to enjoy the family time together. That is what they will remember.

Sometimes people lose sight of what is the meaning of things, birthdays, Christmas, Easter and so on. Most of the time i cant careless what they do. It doesn't effect my life. But i cant handle hypocrites. Yes, that works on my last nerve! WHY do you want to have the benefits of God with out making the effort from your side? Why is it that you feel you are forsaken if YOU are the one that has turned your back on HIM. His always there, his a constant loving God. NOT one that is destructive. SO get over yourselves. Worship or don't worship. But get on with it!

I get a little judged because i don't do father Christmas or the Easter bunny. To ME they are crap. its NOT Christmas because of the oke in the red suit. Its NOT Easter because some bunny hides eggs in your garden. I want more for my children than silly myths. I want them to understand the meaning of these holidays. and not just to celebrate them on those days but to remember them every day!

Anyway, if you are feeling like I am speaking directly to you at this point. Then I am. Think about what you need to do, not for me to judge you but for you to stop judging me.

My life is mine, i don't try to impress anyone. Some of the best things that happen to me and my family you'll never see on Facebook, i don't need others to pat me on the back and say, SHEW your an awesome mom. I know I am, Gemma tells me ha ha ha

Oh and if you don't like my blog, DON'T READ IT!! or write ur own so i can read it ha ha.

Ok the BLAH BLAH is over. I need to do some work before i fire myself!

Have a lovely and Blessed Easter. May the peace of the awesome sacrifice the Lord made that weekend years ago fill your life and hopefully fill mine too.

Almost MARCH!

So Jared was born on the 1st of December 2010. His a lovely little guy. A real blessing to our family. His sister,Gemma is so good with him and enjoys her cuddles. Even calls to chat to him when she is away from home.

The end of the pregnancy wasn't a joy at all. Landed up but in hospital with prem labour.
Then on meds till 38wks to keep him in! Need help with the labour but thankfully the delivery wasn't to bad. Add to that a very eventful stay with Cindy in the hospital! All good memories :)

The new year has brought its own challenges. Relationships aren't the same and life with an extra child is very different.

I have started with the photography again. Really enjoyed my first wedding last weekend.
Seems the break has done me good. Feel great about my product for a change.
Have another 2 this weekend so will test my skills then.