For the last year my close friends know what has been happening in my heart.
How one person’s actions broke my heart and has been a long hard emotional time.
Yes I had a part to play and I’ll take responsibility for a great deal of it.
On Thursday while talking to Cindy it dawned on me why it had upset me so.
It wasn’t the first time I had to deal with this type of thing. but I’ll share the reason why with you.
When I was growing up I didn’t have a best friend. I think I was envious that others had that one person they could turn to. but for some reason i didn’t find just one friend to be my rock.
I always had many friends. Each had their strengths and could be there for me in their own way. it
always worked for me.
But for some reason I changed. and allowed one person to be my closes, tell all friend.
It was fine for a while. Until it wasn’t.
As you've already read, Leon and I had to rediscover ourselves with in our marriage. and that meant focusing more on our family and pulling away from other relationships that were harming our closeness. It didn’t mean we loved our friends less, but it did mean we had less time for them, I also started working more weekends and when I was off, I would spread my free time with a lot of my friends and not just one unit. This didn’t happen overnight. These changes took ages
I could honestly say more than 3years! But my hearts attitude towards having one best friend changed. Sure I could list things that she did to make it like that. but that isn’t the point.
It was me. just me. that didn’t want to fight for a relationship that wasn’t beneficial for me, my marriage and my family. Selfish? Sure. At some stage we do need to be that way.
My other relationships haven’t suffered. Actually I think we have made a load more friends!
I don’t rely on any of them to bring me internal happiness or strength, I know they are there for me anytime I need them. And none are jealous of the other as they love me therefor they understand.
So since Thursday I don’t have those pangs of 'what the hell was she thinking!" or "why didn’t she listen to me when I told her" or "I’m so mad she didn’t realise sooner things had changed' moments.
I feel free! Because I understand that this was my fault. that I should never have trusted one person outside my marriage to be my rock. I have my husband. more importantly I have God to be there for me. To guide me on the right path.
I love my friends, they are all the best they can be and close to parts of me.
Thank you for knowing when I need a shoulder or when I don’t want to be hugged.
Thank you for helping when I’m about to fall apart. Thank you for praising and rejoicing with me for my achievements.
Just thank you for being in my life.
Happy 40th to my handsome husband! had such a special time with our family and friends this passed weekend!
